[Excelsior]

(02-16-2013 11:32 AM)Icepasian Wrote:  

Every month or so, I receive a glossy coupon from Victoria's Secret in my mailbox. "Free panty!" it beckons. "No purchase necessary!"

Reading those words, I cringe a little bit. Not because I hate underwear—I'm an ardent lover of underwear. It's because I hate the word "panty." I hate the plural form of "panty" as well. "Panties" creeps me out.

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And apparently I'm not alone. In addition to a slew of blog posts and message boards denouncing the word, The Huffington Post's Zoë Triska named it "the worst word ever." Cracked.com included "panties" in its list of the "Five Words That Need To Be Banned From English."

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I've heard several people refer to the word as "infantilizing." The addition of the suffix "-ies" (or in the singular form, "-y") converts the word into a diminutive. Literally: "little pants." The suffix puts it in the same category as "booties" and "blankies"—words often associated with small children. In fact, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, the first known use of "panties" is from a 1908 set of instructions for making doll clothes. "The undergarment is ... easily made, for the little waist and panties are cut in one piece." Women, it seems, would rather not shimmy into a garment whose name would also suggest they are shimmying into a pair of knee socks and saddle shoes and handed an oversized lollipop.

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So what word could be used instead? Personally, I've always just called my bottom unmentionables "underwear." My sister, though, disagrees. "Underwear" is no dice, she says, because women have two types of underwear (bras and panties)—and how will you know which ones are being referred to?

Another friend of mine has suggested the terms "top undies" and "bottom undies," but I don't see that particular strategy catching on, either.

Here's my strategy for you and the other rich, entitled white feminists clucking around on that site with nothing better to do but find new things to bitch about:

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It's well-documented that women are ahead of the curve when it comes to linguistic ingenuity. When it comes to trends, women often set them rather than follow them—so if women are disgusted, then it's our responsibility to keep the conversation going. At this point, it might be a good thing to get our bottom-undies in a twist.

Yeah, keep those hamsters running. Just be careful not to overwork the poor little guys.