I let a hookup slip through my fingers.
One of my friends is gay and he was holding a second annual coming out party. I walked into his common room an hour before the party to smoke a cigarette and saw a cute girl wearing a mini skirt and tank top. I introduced myself, settled onto the windowsill and took a drag. She asked me my name again and I smiled and said it had only been a couple of seconds and that she should say my name ten times. She did it and laughed. But my gay friend came over and told her to do a bunch of shit decorating wise outside the room so they left.
Some other buddies come by and we sit and chat for a bit. One of them has a vape so we start in on that. Two of the other guys start helping the girl decorate while me and the other friend sit and smoke. Eventually the girl ditched those two guys to come and smoke with us. I show her how to use the vape, using that time to start touching. She asks if she can smoke with us sometime and I tell her I'll consider it.
Things are looking pretty good. She sits next to me on the window sill. I ask her where she's from and guess Africa (she's obviously hispanic). She laughs and we start talking about general stuff (summer, major, room location) and I pepper everything with jokes to keep it light. I call over one of my friends because she lives in his old room and he starts telling stories about it. Eventually she excuses herself to start the music. The friend I called over leaves, and she comes back and sits on the windowsill with me again. I pretty much just mock all of her responses. She points to a strobe light and says how cool it is, and I told her she should get one and take it with her everywhere she goes. She cracks up at this.
In the meantime the party is filling out. That chick that my friend was cockblocking me with a week ago is there. She comes over to the window sill and I introduce her. They start talking. I start talking to my friend. Eventually, I give that chick who came over an empty beer bottle to throw away so she'd leave.
She gives me a taste of her drink and asks me if she has enough vodka, and I tell her no. She goes to the bar and adds shots.
Conversation hits a lull. The girl asks me if I dance. I say yes. She starts moving a bit on the windowsill. Now, a weakness right now is that though I can move to music, it's in this goofy way that I feel self conscious about. So she gets up and starts dancing with another one of my friends who is an extremely good dancer.
But she comes back again and sits next to me. She's resting her leg on mine, and is happy to ignore everyone except me. And then a guy comes and she jumps up, turns to me, puts her hands on my thigh leans in and says "he's my best friend", and rushes over to him.
I take this moment to leave the party to buy another pack of cigarettes. When I get back, the lights are off but most everyone is still talking. I walk around and make conversation. Everyone there is part of my crew so it's easy for me to mingle.
The girl is dancing around the room with her girlfriends and keeps shooting me glances. But I think fuck no I'm not going to dance with her. It seemed silly to do so in a room where people where largely just hanging out.
Much later, the girl leaves. A friend gives me a heads up, tells me she's gone. I leave to follow her. As I'm going, I catch that other chick dancing and telling me to come over. I take satisfaction in pursuing something better. I go out to the bathroom, splash water on my face, and head downstairs. I catch one of my friends on the stairs, who I'm pretty certain was following the same chick lol, and I tell him to go outside with me for a cigarette.
We sit outside, talk to people, and then that girl finally walks right by us. No idea where she was before. And she seems obviously irked. Says she's going to bed and then glares at me.
Asks my friend what his name is. She says "oh wow that's an awesome name". Her chin's in the air and she looks at me when she says this. I tell her he lives with me, and that we've lived together since freshman year. She says the bond she has with her roommates can't be matched. I tell her that it's pretty hard to top my relationship with my friend, and for her to get back to me when she's a senior. She goes on about how she sings and dances and yaddy yaddy ya. The whole tone of the conversation is pretty pointed. It was "look what you missed!" I ask her to serenade me with a song for a couple of seconds and she gets nervous and says she'd sing if someone had a guitar. My friend says that I play, but I'd left my guitar at home for the year. I say that it was just a phase and that I'm beyond that now, and that she'd feel the same way about her hobbies when she was older.
At that point her roommates come by from somewhere, and her roommates are typical residents of our school: not down to party, very awkward. And she looks slutty as fuck next to these girls, chatting up two guys while wearing a skirt that barely dips past her groin.
So she peaces. A girl who seemed so damn dtf, and because I felt uncomfortable dancing with her I didn't seal the deal.
Another lesson. A positive night. Could have been better of course. But what I take pleasure in are little indications of how my attitude has changed. Dismissing a girl by giving her trash, playfully teasing a girl for what she says (which was far easier to do when I just said whatever was on my mind, it's starting to turn out that that inner voice in my head is pretty damn mocking), and noticing that I was one of the more muscled dudes in the room due to my two months of gym work made me feel good.
But, there was still fear and anxiety at standing out. I also felt deeply sorry for that girl. When she was a freshman, she was cute but dressed badly. Now a sophomore, she seems to be dressing in a way she doesn't feel entirely comfortable with. And she didn't seem to have too much experience flirting. I'd throw her a slight piece of approval and she would respond with ten times the amount of enthusiasm. And I felt sad that the world could be this way and that this confused girl who had no idea what she wanted could be so easily swayed.
And I felt angry because my friends seemed to be convinced that this girl just wanted to fuck anyone. I'm 100% certain that this girl was only into me. How is that not fucking obvious? She ignored every dude there except for me. But just because she seemed into me all my friends seemed to just think that she was some slut looking for any guy, and that they all "definitely would've gotten her". I'm starting to realize that my friends are pretty shitty at understanding the opposite gender. And I'm starting to realize that three years of "looking for love" in relationships has lowered their opinion of me as a guy who can hook up with girls.
And so the transformation continues. I hope that these posts prove helpful to others in their own personal quests.
One of my friends is gay and he was holding a second annual coming out party. I walked into his common room an hour before the party to smoke a cigarette and saw a cute girl wearing a mini skirt and tank top. I introduced myself, settled onto the windowsill and took a drag. She asked me my name again and I smiled and said it had only been a couple of seconds and that she should say my name ten times. She did it and laughed. But my gay friend came over and told her to do a bunch of shit decorating wise outside the room so they left.
Some other buddies come by and we sit and chat for a bit. One of them has a vape so we start in on that. Two of the other guys start helping the girl decorate while me and the other friend sit and smoke. Eventually the girl ditched those two guys to come and smoke with us. I show her how to use the vape, using that time to start touching. She asks if she can smoke with us sometime and I tell her I'll consider it.
Things are looking pretty good. She sits next to me on the window sill. I ask her where she's from and guess Africa (she's obviously hispanic). She laughs and we start talking about general stuff (summer, major, room location) and I pepper everything with jokes to keep it light. I call over one of my friends because she lives in his old room and he starts telling stories about it. Eventually she excuses herself to start the music. The friend I called over leaves, and she comes back and sits on the windowsill with me again. I pretty much just mock all of her responses. She points to a strobe light and says how cool it is, and I told her she should get one and take it with her everywhere she goes. She cracks up at this.
In the meantime the party is filling out. That chick that my friend was cockblocking me with a week ago is there. She comes over to the window sill and I introduce her. They start talking. I start talking to my friend. Eventually, I give that chick who came over an empty beer bottle to throw away so she'd leave.
She gives me a taste of her drink and asks me if she has enough vodka, and I tell her no. She goes to the bar and adds shots.
Conversation hits a lull. The girl asks me if I dance. I say yes. She starts moving a bit on the windowsill. Now, a weakness right now is that though I can move to music, it's in this goofy way that I feel self conscious about. So she gets up and starts dancing with another one of my friends who is an extremely good dancer.
But she comes back again and sits next to me. She's resting her leg on mine, and is happy to ignore everyone except me. And then a guy comes and she jumps up, turns to me, puts her hands on my thigh leans in and says "he's my best friend", and rushes over to him.
I take this moment to leave the party to buy another pack of cigarettes. When I get back, the lights are off but most everyone is still talking. I walk around and make conversation. Everyone there is part of my crew so it's easy for me to mingle.
The girl is dancing around the room with her girlfriends and keeps shooting me glances. But I think fuck no I'm not going to dance with her. It seemed silly to do so in a room where people where largely just hanging out.
Much later, the girl leaves. A friend gives me a heads up, tells me she's gone. I leave to follow her. As I'm going, I catch that other chick dancing and telling me to come over. I take satisfaction in pursuing something better. I go out to the bathroom, splash water on my face, and head downstairs. I catch one of my friends on the stairs, who I'm pretty certain was following the same chick lol, and I tell him to go outside with me for a cigarette.
We sit outside, talk to people, and then that girl finally walks right by us. No idea where she was before. And she seems obviously irked. Says she's going to bed and then glares at me.
Asks my friend what his name is. She says "oh wow that's an awesome name". Her chin's in the air and she looks at me when she says this. I tell her he lives with me, and that we've lived together since freshman year. She says the bond she has with her roommates can't be matched. I tell her that it's pretty hard to top my relationship with my friend, and for her to get back to me when she's a senior. She goes on about how she sings and dances and yaddy yaddy ya. The whole tone of the conversation is pretty pointed. It was "look what you missed!" I ask her to serenade me with a song for a couple of seconds and she gets nervous and says she'd sing if someone had a guitar. My friend says that I play, but I'd left my guitar at home for the year. I say that it was just a phase and that I'm beyond that now, and that she'd feel the same way about her hobbies when she was older.
At that point her roommates come by from somewhere, and her roommates are typical residents of our school: not down to party, very awkward. And she looks slutty as fuck next to these girls, chatting up two guys while wearing a skirt that barely dips past her groin.
So she peaces. A girl who seemed so damn dtf, and because I felt uncomfortable dancing with her I didn't seal the deal.
Another lesson. A positive night. Could have been better of course. But what I take pleasure in are little indications of how my attitude has changed. Dismissing a girl by giving her trash, playfully teasing a girl for what she says (which was far easier to do when I just said whatever was on my mind, it's starting to turn out that that inner voice in my head is pretty damn mocking), and noticing that I was one of the more muscled dudes in the room due to my two months of gym work made me feel good.
But, there was still fear and anxiety at standing out. I also felt deeply sorry for that girl. When she was a freshman, she was cute but dressed badly. Now a sophomore, she seems to be dressing in a way she doesn't feel entirely comfortable with. And she didn't seem to have too much experience flirting. I'd throw her a slight piece of approval and she would respond with ten times the amount of enthusiasm. And I felt sad that the world could be this way and that this confused girl who had no idea what she wanted could be so easily swayed.
And I felt angry because my friends seemed to be convinced that this girl just wanted to fuck anyone. I'm 100% certain that this girl was only into me. How is that not fucking obvious? She ignored every dude there except for me. But just because she seemed into me all my friends seemed to just think that she was some slut looking for any guy, and that they all "definitely would've gotten her". I'm starting to realize that my friends are pretty shitty at understanding the opposite gender. And I'm starting to realize that three years of "looking for love" in relationships has lowered their opinion of me as a guy who can hook up with girls.
And so the transformation continues. I hope that these posts prove helpful to others in their own personal quests.
Always be trolling