Parlay:
11:30am -- Wakes up in a start to the sound of the garbage truck or police siren outside; rolls over in bed, on top of some Taco Bell wrappers and rainbow-colored past-due bills; grabs the remote to his old-school big-screen TV (in one of those 6-foot cabinets, with the blurry screens); puts on Judge Joe Brown
12:30pm -- After a few episodes of that; he grabs his phone, to record some of it on the built-in camera, and sees no missed calls and no unread messages; "Fuck"; figures he better get some new numbers, or something, because his shit is getting stale; sits up, his hairy-ass legs sticking out of his boxers, and his long, beautiful hair in a pony tail (for sleeping purposes only); he gropes at one of his many cracked iPads or laptops to check the RVF; uploads low-quality Judge Joe Brown clip
1:30pm -- After yucking it up for 45 minutes to an hour, he starts getting hungry and figures he better head out and get some food; he finally get out of bed, brushes his teeth and hair, takes a shit, gets into his 1997 Dodge Neon, and rolls the fuck out.
2:00pm -- Gets to favorite Taco Bell (he passes two other ones just to go to this one) and sees two things: (1) They have new type of Gordita on menu; and (2) There's a new Gordita behind the register; time to crack out the Parlay Game Deluxe.
2:10pm -- Even though the video cuts out, he gets the chick's number; figuring he's "still got it"; he sits down and enjoys his breakfast-lunch-dinner meal with gusto; checks his smart phone the whole time
3:30pm -- Heads home to do "some real work"
4:30pm -- After checking all the replies to his morning posts, he loads up a job-search website and starts uploading his tastefully embellished resume
5:15pm -- His homie Victor calls to tell him that there's this "thing" tonight where there are going to be "mad hot chicks"; knowing this cat has little game and is sort of a chubby chaser, he hesitates, but agrees to go anyway
5:30pm -- Figures he better take nap to look his best and be on top of his game for the "hot Latinas" advertised at this party
6:45pm -- Wakes up from his nap; loads up his Xbox 360 and fucks around on that for a while; unlocks a few achievements
8:30pm -- Victor calls again; he's headed over to Parlay's pad to "pre-game"; Parlay rushes into the shower, since he had lost track of time; one of his 11 roommates in there; he tells him to "hurry the fuck up"
9:00pm -- Victor and Parlay drink and blaze up a little; they Google the address and realize this so-called party is actually a douche-bag club with a $30 cover, and is across town; "Fuck that, let's go to Bar 302!," exclaims Victor
11:30pm -- After a bunch of false starts, they get to the dive bar they've been to a million times before; Parlay does a few approaches, but can't get any of those stubborn bitches to go home with him; he sees a chick he finger-banged in the bathroom one time; she pretends not to see him
1:30am -- Tired and ready to go home, they call it a night; they hop in a cab and Parlay starts sending out last-minute booty-call salvos
1:35am -- Given his tight text-game, one bites--a friend of his who is now a hooker; they make plans
2:15am -- Blazes up with her and bangs this chick; she's attractive, but not up to his ambitious standards--especially the hooker thing; as he looks over at her, he promises himself the same shit he always promises himself:
(1) To get up earlier the next day
(2) Not waste so much time on the forum
(3) Upgrade his girl quality
(4) Stop hanging out with Victor
11:20 am THE NEXT DAY -- Gets up 10 minutes earlier, but spends an extra 20 minutes on the RVF.
11:30am -- Wakes up in a start to the sound of the garbage truck or police siren outside; rolls over in bed, on top of some Taco Bell wrappers and rainbow-colored past-due bills; grabs the remote to his old-school big-screen TV (in one of those 6-foot cabinets, with the blurry screens); puts on Judge Joe Brown
12:30pm -- After a few episodes of that; he grabs his phone, to record some of it on the built-in camera, and sees no missed calls and no unread messages; "Fuck"; figures he better get some new numbers, or something, because his shit is getting stale; sits up, his hairy-ass legs sticking out of his boxers, and his long, beautiful hair in a pony tail (for sleeping purposes only); he gropes at one of his many cracked iPads or laptops to check the RVF; uploads low-quality Judge Joe Brown clip
1:30pm -- After yucking it up for 45 minutes to an hour, he starts getting hungry and figures he better head out and get some food; he finally get out of bed, brushes his teeth and hair, takes a shit, gets into his 1997 Dodge Neon, and rolls the fuck out.
2:00pm -- Gets to favorite Taco Bell (he passes two other ones just to go to this one) and sees two things: (1) They have new type of Gordita on menu; and (2) There's a new Gordita behind the register; time to crack out the Parlay Game Deluxe.
2:10pm -- Even though the video cuts out, he gets the chick's number; figuring he's "still got it"; he sits down and enjoys his breakfast-lunch-dinner meal with gusto; checks his smart phone the whole time
3:30pm -- Heads home to do "some real work"
4:30pm -- After checking all the replies to his morning posts, he loads up a job-search website and starts uploading his tastefully embellished resume
5:15pm -- His homie Victor calls to tell him that there's this "thing" tonight where there are going to be "mad hot chicks"; knowing this cat has little game and is sort of a chubby chaser, he hesitates, but agrees to go anyway
5:30pm -- Figures he better take nap to look his best and be on top of his game for the "hot Latinas" advertised at this party
6:45pm -- Wakes up from his nap; loads up his Xbox 360 and fucks around on that for a while; unlocks a few achievements
8:30pm -- Victor calls again; he's headed over to Parlay's pad to "pre-game"; Parlay rushes into the shower, since he had lost track of time; one of his 11 roommates in there; he tells him to "hurry the fuck up"
9:00pm -- Victor and Parlay drink and blaze up a little; they Google the address and realize this so-called party is actually a douche-bag club with a $30 cover, and is across town; "Fuck that, let's go to Bar 302!," exclaims Victor
11:30pm -- After a bunch of false starts, they get to the dive bar they've been to a million times before; Parlay does a few approaches, but can't get any of those stubborn bitches to go home with him; he sees a chick he finger-banged in the bathroom one time; she pretends not to see him
1:30am -- Tired and ready to go home, they call it a night; they hop in a cab and Parlay starts sending out last-minute booty-call salvos
1:35am -- Given his tight text-game, one bites--a friend of his who is now a hooker; they make plans
2:15am -- Blazes up with her and bangs this chick; she's attractive, but not up to his ambitious standards--especially the hooker thing; as he looks over at her, he promises himself the same shit he always promises himself:
(1) To get up earlier the next day
(2) Not waste so much time on the forum
(3) Upgrade his girl quality
(4) Stop hanging out with Victor
11:20 am THE NEXT DAY -- Gets up 10 minutes earlier, but spends an extra 20 minutes on the RVF.