Online is the main way I am meeting women right now. My profile is good and my messaging game is all right, but I have problems with the actual date. I know there is a huge thread on okcupid, but that addresses all phases of online dating and I want to focus on the first date itself.
I've read Tuthmosis's recipe for first date bangs, the zero-date bang post, and the thread about whether the second date is dead. I'm prepared to get "use the search function" but I hope that if I spell out some questions someone will take pity and help.
I am typically meeting girls after work for a drink at a nice bar after work, like 7:00 on a week night. This results in a decent get-to-know-you conversation that goes no further. I haven't adapted to the new reality of escalating as far as you can on the first meetup; I'm still thinking, get to know each other tonight, then have a second date that starts or at least winds up back at my place.
Tuthmosis's recipe sounds great, but it presupposes that every first date is going to be a later-evening round of bar-hopping. You meet at 9 or 9:30, tell her "let's start here and bounce if it's lame," first round's on me, etc. Is that what you have to do, approach every first meeting with someone you've never met before off okcupid as if you are going to spend all evening drinking together?
And, while I would love to have girls over to my place for a first meet as advised in the BlurredSevens's zero-date bang thread, that seems designed for girls you maybe met in person or at least have been flirting with online for awhile. I can't picture having much luck messaging back and forth with a girl once or twice on okcupid and then inviting her over. Plus, I might not even be attracted to her when I see her in person, I don't want to have her over until I know that.
So what is the state of the art? Meet somewhere near your home at 9 or 9:30, say goodbye after one drink at most if she is not attractive, if she is attractive follow Tuth's advice about ramping up sexual tension without kissing and bouncing her back to your place? I may have answered my own question but I'd appreciate input. I will take no offense if this gets moved to the newbie forum. Thanks.
I've read Tuthmosis's recipe for first date bangs, the zero-date bang post, and the thread about whether the second date is dead. I'm prepared to get "use the search function" but I hope that if I spell out some questions someone will take pity and help.
I am typically meeting girls after work for a drink at a nice bar after work, like 7:00 on a week night. This results in a decent get-to-know-you conversation that goes no further. I haven't adapted to the new reality of escalating as far as you can on the first meetup; I'm still thinking, get to know each other tonight, then have a second date that starts or at least winds up back at my place.
Tuthmosis's recipe sounds great, but it presupposes that every first date is going to be a later-evening round of bar-hopping. You meet at 9 or 9:30, tell her "let's start here and bounce if it's lame," first round's on me, etc. Is that what you have to do, approach every first meeting with someone you've never met before off okcupid as if you are going to spend all evening drinking together?
And, while I would love to have girls over to my place for a first meet as advised in the BlurredSevens's zero-date bang thread, that seems designed for girls you maybe met in person or at least have been flirting with online for awhile. I can't picture having much luck messaging back and forth with a girl once or twice on okcupid and then inviting her over. Plus, I might not even be attracted to her when I see her in person, I don't want to have her over until I know that.
So what is the state of the art? Meet somewhere near your home at 9 or 9:30, say goodbye after one drink at most if she is not attractive, if she is attractive follow Tuth's advice about ramping up sexual tension without kissing and bouncing her back to your place? I may have answered my own question but I'd appreciate input. I will take no offense if this gets moved to the newbie forum. Thanks.