You have massive balls to put yourself out here and open yourself up to criticism. I gave you a rep point just for that. I can also imagine recording yourself must have been stressful and maybe messed you up more than you usually do.
I agree with Sharkie and Tuth above. Check out this thread.
Specifically, I posted videos of Kassem G later on there, I'll post them here. In this first video, you see a lot of mistakes similar to what you're making, when he was first starting out.
He got more polished up, here's an example.
Kassem may not be your style, but I just heard a few of the same mistakes, namely: trying a little too hard, pitch, delivery, laughing at unfunny things out of nervousness. Notice Kassem's inflection doesn't change much, and isn't overly reactive to what the girls do. "That's a snout." Deadpan. You would have probably laughed at the "I'm the office bitch" comment, and I'm guilty of that too. Notice how Kassem shrugs it off and says "You said it, not me." On to the next topic.
But the biggest thing you'll need to work on, as Tuth said, is content. That only comes with seeing the world through a unique lens... and not giving a fuck. Go through your own conversations later, and think of where you could have said something more interesting like Tuth did above. Eventually you will see reoccuring patterns where you can reuse jokes with different girls. There's a reason a lot of comedians have made variations of the same joke over and over.
Keep up, or ramp up, those approach numbers, and keep thinking of how to improve. Try your best to relax and enjoy it.
I agree with Sharkie and Tuth above. Check out this thread.
Specifically, I posted videos of Kassem G later on there, I'll post them here. In this first video, you see a lot of mistakes similar to what you're making, when he was first starting out.
Quote:I Wrote:
You could tell a difference from the previous vids to this one. Although this early video certainly isn't bad, in the later vids, he's more deadpan, doesn't get easily rattled, tries less hard, keeps his voice low, and doesn't laugh at his own jokes, or rarely other girls'. Laughing unnecessarily and changing pitch due to nervousness are common mistakes. A calm demeanor is half the battle. You can tell it has worked for Kassem; as years went on, more girls warmed up to him thanks to his increasing comfort level.
He got more polished up, here's an example.
Kassem may not be your style, but I just heard a few of the same mistakes, namely: trying a little too hard, pitch, delivery, laughing at unfunny things out of nervousness. Notice Kassem's inflection doesn't change much, and isn't overly reactive to what the girls do. "That's a snout." Deadpan. You would have probably laughed at the "I'm the office bitch" comment, and I'm guilty of that too. Notice how Kassem shrugs it off and says "You said it, not me." On to the next topic.
But the biggest thing you'll need to work on, as Tuth said, is content. That only comes with seeing the world through a unique lens... and not giving a fuck. Go through your own conversations later, and think of where you could have said something more interesting like Tuth did above. Eventually you will see reoccuring patterns where you can reuse jokes with different girls. There's a reason a lot of comedians have made variations of the same joke over and over.
Keep up, or ramp up, those approach numbers, and keep thinking of how to improve. Try your best to relax and enjoy it.