Quote: (05-13-2015 10:44 AM)PapiPG Wrote:
The more I learn about TRP and about myself and my folly..the agrier I become.
And I'm struggling extremely hard not to be bitter and resentful. But I am very much aware that it was I who made the choices I made.
I gave my time, energy, tears, devotion, and loyalty to intellectually dull, faithless and morally bankrupt, lying, libertine women...and even when I thought I was grasping some RP concepts, I did it again. And I'm trying hard not to self-flagellate, not to go hack that ones email or tell the other ones boss that she lied about her credentials and that she didn't even graduate High School, much less have a certificate in Project Management or to tell the one girls ex that she cheated on him and lied about being abused so she could get rid of him knowing she was about to get a settlement from a lawsuit and didn't want to share any of it with him...
Yes I'm trying to be a 'good Christian man' who gets angry, but 'sins not', who examines himself and his folly, takes personal responsibility for his own poor choices, and rises above all of the mess he's encountered over the majority of years of his adult life.
I'm trying...
So I've immersed myself in a few things... going back to get an MBA, training in Krav Maga, found a cool guitar teacher and even learning to dance salsa..
But still I get mad and sometimes I even cry...
I'm trying..
I'm told that right now I may be at war with my ego. I know I've always been a good, righteous, dude...and I wonder if that was just a mistake in striving so hard to be that...
Stay strong bro.
Keep up with the MBA, guitar playing, and other accomplishments that will provide you with a positive feedback loop as you keep improving and you'll find yourself over the anger phase.
The fact that you are examining yourself and not blaming outside factors for what happened to you and instead are realizing that you are who you are today because of choices you made in the past already places you way above the majority of people who will shift all responsibility to society, to "the man", to the "patriarchy", frat bros, immigrants, their ex boyfriend/girlfriend rather than do some soul searching.
If the choices you made in the past made you who are you are today, then the choices you make today will make you who you become in the future. Sounds like you are making some good choices right now.