Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Printable Version
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Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-20-2015
I was talking to my friend Black Knight (forum member and ROK writer) the other day and we both came to a realization that we shared some "Masshole" traits.
I like to poke fun at nearly everything, including myself.
I define "Masshole culture" (whimsically) as cultural features of Massachusetts and Rhode Island.
1. Love for Mass. rock acts of the 1970s and 1980s:
Aerosmith
Boston
Billy Squier
John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band
2. Devotion to the 1980s Celtics.
3. Dialect use of certain words, phrases, and intonations.
4. An open and (sometimes unjustly perceived) aggressive attitude on some things.
4. Devotion to lost causes, like the Red Sox.
5. Dunkin Donuts, Durgin Park, and Kelly's Roast Beef obsession
Anyway, I suspect we have a few guys here from this region, who can help me add to the list of "Masshole" culture.
Include anything you think fits into this definition: language, movies, culture, dress, attitude, outlook, or whatever.
After all, somebody's got to go toe-to-toe with all the New Yorkers around here....!
Q
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - clever alias - 02-20-2015
Not knowing north, south, east, or west.
Awful driving.
No matter what the problem is, at least one of your friends "knows a guy."
"Let's go to the pahk and buy a sodar."
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Buster - 02-20-2015
I spent good bit of time up there with work, I was working on the west side of Boston in a high tech environment. I also spent time in southern RI and I was very impressed with the engineering talent in both places. They may have been a little cocky but they could back it up respected me once they understood I knew what I was doing. It was great fun in a sick twisted 70 hour work week kind of way. I'm from the deep south with a good sense of humor and enjoyed having a lobsta or two in Glasta.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-20-2015
LOBSTA!
Jesus, that one had me laughing....
How about fried claims? Or cherrystones? Or quahogs?
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Buster - 02-20-2015
Yeah, the fruit was low to the ground to pick on them, like how the hell do you get Glosta out of Gloucester??? I grew up on the coast of SC so I didn't have much room to talk, but my accent is fairly neutral. I love cherrystones, they are really good if steamed lightly, some folks over cook them. Those were some good times! Respect to you guys up there!!
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - el mechanico - 02-20-2015
Quote: (02-20-2015 04:18 PM)Buster Wrote:Wostah same thing
Yeah, the fruit was low to the ground to pick on them, like how the hell do you get Glosta out of Gloucester??? I grew up on the coast of SC so I didn't have much room to talk, but my accent is fairly neutral. I love cherrystones, they are really good if steamed lightly, some folks over cook them. Those were some good times! Respect to you guys up there!!
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - samsamsam - 02-20-2015
A guy told me massholes say retaarrded and douche a lot but with their massholes accents. I was given props because I quickly picked up on how to say it properly.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - NikFromNYC - 02-20-2015
Visiting back to NYC from Cambridge to enjoy a girlfriend for three years turned me from a jaded New Yorker into a lifetime one. Terrible fossil hippies bickering about parking meter spots or where you park your shopping cart in the coop grocery aisle. No eye contact on the dystopian subway that closed just as parties were over. Severe lack of useful street signs in knotted roadway layouts that the locals seemed quite pleased with since they knew routes by heart. Lack of an urban heating effect in winter, so much more like the faux polite Midwest I had escaped.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-20-2015
Quote: (02-20-2015 04:26 PM)el mechanico Wrote:
Quote: (02-20-2015 04:18 PM)Buster Wrote:Wostah same thing
Yeah, the fruit was low to the ground to pick on them, like how the hell do you get Glosta out of Gloucester??? I grew up on the coast of SC so I didn't have much room to talk, but my accent is fairly neutral. I love cherrystones, they are really good if steamed lightly, some folks over cook them. Those were some good times! Respect to you guys up there!!
Lol!!!
Yep. And I'm from the New Bedfud area....or, as some say, New Bedford.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Sonsowey - 02-20-2015
Bars that close at 2am
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-20-2015
These are all I can think of right now:
You might be a Masshole if you:
1. Still are whining about the death of Len Bias and how it hurt the Celtics
2. Give a shit about Whitey Bulger and have theories about conspiracies against him
3. Still are mad at Bill Buckner for 1986.
4. Your favorites sandwich is a "grindah" and your favorite drink is a "frappe."
5. You own stock in Dunkin Donuts.
6. You know how to rake for quahogs.
7. You know how to put together a clambake for a big group.
8. You refer to steamed clams as "steamahs."
9. Everyone you went to high school was either a Portuguee or a Canuck
10. You even know what the words "Portuguee" or "Swamp Yankee" means
11. You used to say the word "wicked" back in the day.
12. You used to call everything you didn't like "gay" back in the day.
13. You know how to sail a boat, and can out-swim people from other parts of the country.
14. You were sad when the lead singer of Boston, Brad Delp, committed suicide.
15. You think New York is overrated.
16. You think Boston is overrated.
17. You have an uncle who was a "State Troopah"
18. You used to wait in line to get "obstructed view" tickets to see the Celtics in Boston Gahden.
19. You get mad when someone calls Somerville, "Slumerville."
20. You think chourice, linguica, and kale soup are things everyone knows about.
21. You learned Portuguese on the playground from Azorean kids.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - RawGod - 02-20-2015
Sounds like Bill Burr is a leading Masshole...
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - aeroektar - 02-20-2015
Born in Plymouth, live in Quincy.
I grew up around, and inevitably adopted some masshole behavior.
Driving like shit and yelling at people in traffic is just part of the culture here, thats what happens when your streets and city layout was designed in the 1600s for horses and shit.
I don't know why we talk like retards. Everyone sounds retarded to us.
Where you live, whether its on the south shore, the north shore, the cape, metro west, wherever, that's the only place that matters or really exists, and everyone else is faggots.
Don't go to Brockton.
All the bitches get a medium french vanilla ice extra extra from dunkies.
311, a favorite of OG massholes.
Wear a hoody at all times when its below 50.
Work boots, that's all you own, except for maybe a pair of basketball shoes.
Cutting the copper pipes out of summer homes to feed your opiate addiction.
Your loyal to one pizza place, anyone suggests something different, is retarded.
You know a lot of people named sean, pat, corey, connor, probably a motherfucker named seamus or dillon.
4th of july is the biggest day of the year.
Your no stranger to the liquid lunch. Hammered, smashed, shitfaced, wasted, tanked, sloshed, plastered, loaded are all large parts of your vocabulary and describe the state of you and those around you.
that's all I got for now, I leave you with this
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-20-2015
^^^^^
More from the New Bedfud/Fall River/Dahtmouth area here....
"Loyal to one pizza place" : Must be....let me guess...Papa Gino's? Or D'Angelo's grindahs?
And then you can pick up an ice cream cake at Carvel's (do they still exist?), and get the Fudgie the Whale design.
"July 4 is the biggest parade of the year".
True...but who, except Massholes like us, know what a "FOOL'S DAY PARADE" is? Remember those?
That is a pure New England thing...imported right from the British....
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - aeroektar - 02-20-2015
You ever been to marc anthony's in onset? Shits bomb khed.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - clever alias - 02-21-2015
BROOOOONS!
Giving directions based on buildings, especially ones that haven't been there for years, instead of road names.
Nomah!
And your uncle wasn't a "State troopha," he was a Statie.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - LouEvilSlugger - 02-21-2015
The number of micaelenses in Fall River / New Bedford is too damn high. I'm Azorean and a big part of our slangs words are from the immigrants in MA, continental Portuguese or Brazilians have no clue of what I'm talking about when I say pinotes (peanuts), suera (sweater) or friza (freezer).
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-21-2015
Quote: (02-21-2015 01:29 AM)LouEvilSlugger Wrote:
The number of micalenses in Fall River / New Bedford is too damn high. I'm Azorean and a big part of our slangs words are come from the immigrants in MA, continental Portuguese or Brazilians have no clue of what I'm talking about when I say pinotes (peanuts), suera (sweater) or friza (freezer).
Southeastern Mass has its own unique culture...heh heh...basically everyone is either Azorean, Portuguese, Canuck, or swamp yankee.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - scotian - 02-21-2015
Here's a little known fact that you Boston RVF guys may not know: that big Christmas tree that you light up every year on the Boston Common comes from my home province of Nova Scotia, since 1919. The reason it is that in 1917, two European warships, one carrying a lot of explosives, collided in Halifax harbour and caused the largest man made explosion ever known before the bombing of Hiroshima, the city was devasted, over 2500 dead and thousands more injured, including members of my family. For historical reasons, which went back to the British colonial days, the Maritime cities of Boston and Halifax were very tight and in that time of need, the people of Boston responded the quickest with relief and ever since, we've sent you guys a big fat Xmas tree every year!
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - NovaVirtu - 02-21-2015
This threads hilarious.
I'm from CT, which isn't exactly Masshole territory but some of that culture does bleed over. When you get into the eastern part of the state the accents begin to change like in Groton, where the nuclear sub base is.
Cross the border and bam, you're in "Wawick Wode Eye-lind".
The loyalty to one pizza place is found here (Pepe's Apizza in New Haven 4 life).
There are Dunkin Donuts EVERYWHERE. It is to New England what those gas-station/deli hybrid things like Sheetz are to Pennsylvania. When I lived in northern VA I found the general lack of D&D disturbing and unpatriotic. There were only 2 in a town of 50k or so. And none of them had drive-thrus! Barbarians.
And yes we still say "gay" and "fag" all the time even though that's become a big faux pas in other parts of America these days.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - aeroektar - 02-21-2015
Scotian, that's cool, I knew it came from Nova Scotia but I never knew why.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-21-2015
@Scotian:
Damn, man, I didn't know that...thanks for the info. That might merit an article. Nova Scotia is freezing fucking cold, regardless (or should I say, "regahhhdless").
All right..here's some more Masshole stuff:
1. You actually give a shit about the Citgo sign
2. You remember when riding the T was less than a dollar.
3. You used to fight for candy at the Fool's Day Parade when you were a kid.
4. You like Indian pudding with molasses.
5. You never had to wait in line at Durgin Park, but called ahead and went up through the back stairway.
6. You used to wear a track suit with a gold chain.
7. You're jealous of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and consider them fags.
8. You're mother's idea of culture is to visit the L.L. Bean store in Maine.
9. You know all the running routes around the Charles River in Boston.
10. You remember when the Combat Zone in Boston was seedy and nasty.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-21-2015
Oh, yeah, here's one I forgot:
When you were a kid and you spat out phlegm from your mouth, you called it a "clam."
I might have to do a post here on how to do a real clambake. I'm talking about digging a hole, lining it with rocks, putting in seaweed, clams, potatoes, and corn, and covering it with a tarp, and just letting it steam for a few hours.
Golden....ah, memories.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Quintus Curtius - 02-21-2015
MY CLAMBAKE GUIDE
Ok, here it is. This is what I consider a classic, old-school Mass clambake. (And don't make it "gay"...!)
1. Start by collecting driftwood of all shapes and sizes on the beach with your buds.
2. Dig out a trench or hole in the sand far from the shore, and line it with smooth stones you find on the beach. Beaches in southeastern Mass are rocky and gravelly as hell, so this should be easy.
3. The pile in the wood and small sticks. Light the whole thing on fire and watch it burn down as you have a few "beeahs."
4. Then get the clams, corn, and potatoes you should already have ready. I heard real old-timers saying that you used to be able to dig up claims right on the shoreline, but those days are gone now. You got to bring the food in now...
5. Once the wood has burned down, pile the seaweed (rockweed) into the white-hot stones. I love that briny, hissing, snapping, crackling, popping mass as the wet seaweed goes on the hot rocks.
6. Layer in the potatoes, corn, and clams. Hell, if you got some blue-shell crabs, throw them in as well! What the hell!
7. Rake things evenly and then cover everything with a canvas tarp.
8. Let it all steam for a long time, a few hours at best.
9. Sip hot clam juice out of your styrofoam cup. And like it.
There might be some regional variations on this.
Master Compendium Thread Of Masshole Culture - Baldwin81 - 02-21-2015
I'm from out east - now in the midwest - and one day I'm driving westbound on a busy four-lane street in Chicago. A car is up ahead trying to turn left into a tiny urban shopping center with an even smaller parking lot. This car is stopped in the middle of the road clogging traffic in the middle eastbound and westbound lanes, but really it's all four lanes because people in the aforementioned middle lanes are trying to merge to get around this guy.
God as my witness, as I approach I'm like, now this reminds me of a Massachusetts driver. Sure enough, I get closer (Illinois and Mass. plates look similar) and dude's got that "Massachusetts, Spirit of America" license plate. Before I manage to get around this Massachusetts motorist and continue on my way, horns are going from both directions and the mass. dude flipped the bird.
Thinking about it now, the anchor tenant for that small shopping center?
You guessed it... Dunkin' Donuts.