I've just read this book: "Confident Guy by Ciaran Martin"
What I've understood from him is:
a child can learn all kind of things (like walking, understanding a complete language, talking) only by his natural abilities.
When you are seeking help in anything, they can't teach you it the way that works for you, because it cannot be described, they cannot put it into words, it probably consists of a whole bunch of none verbal stuff that you have to figure them out by yourself. You have to learn it by YOURSELF, if you are repeating their way, you haven't learned it, you are repeating their behavior. people's behavior are different from each others like fingerprints.

I'm thinking why did I seek help in this area in the first place?
Isn't it unusual that I have not approached this like naturals?
What was wrong with me that I could not learn all this by myself like Casanova or naturals out there?
I think it's better to ask this way, what is preventing me from "wanting to learn this like riding a bicycle" ?

Quote: (04-08-2011 07:34 AM)spirit8ball Wrote:  

I've just read this book: "Confident Guy by Ciaran Martin"
What I've understood from him is:
a child can learn all kind of things (like walking, understanding a complete language, talking) only by his natural abilities.
When you are seeking help in anything, they can't teach you it the way that works for you, because it cannot be described, they cannot put it into words, it probably consists of a whole bunch of none verbal stuff that you have to figure them out by yourself. You have to learn it by YOURSELF, if you are repeating their way, you haven't learned it, you are repeating their behavior. people's behavior are different from each others like fingerprints.

I'm thinking why did I seek help in this area in the first place?
Isn't it unusual that I have not approached this like naturals?
What was wrong with me that I could not learn all this by myself like Casanova or naturals out there?
I think it's better to ask this way, what is preventing me from "wanting to learn this like riding a bicycle" ?

Programming.

I remember back when I first came out of the shell, decided being an introvert and social outcast werent what I wanted. Its no coincidence this happened when I went to college.

I was a shy kid highschool, big, dorky, over weight, so I simply wasnt ever in a position to gain normal social skills. When I went to college I basically had to take a massive crash course in socialization, problem is that I got it from women and other betas.

Be generous
Be nice
Be kind
Be respectful

I was told this kind of shit all the time. From my friends, from their girlfriends, from my female relatives.

It isn't that you need to "want to learn how to ride the bicycle"

You already know how, you just need to figure how to ride it the way the pros do. If you're like me, you can talk to 75% of the people you meet just fine. Your buddy's wife or girlfriend isn't a challenge because you aren't trying to ride like a pro when talking to her. The problem comes up when you're in a social situation dealing with a woman you want to/could bang. Now you have to "ride the bike like a pro" You have to think of it like taking off the training wheels.

Talking to people (simply riding a bike) is easy, getting what you want out of people (jumping off a halfpipe on a bike), specifically women (doing a backflip in the process), thats the hard part.