Quote: (07-24-2012 02:49 PM)kdolo Wrote:
What really happened ???
The white girls fooled around with this or some other black guy - they were all probably drunk.
Word later gets out that around campus that they fooled around with the black guy/......
the girls who no doubt have beta boyfriends and fathers come with the "I was raped" story to cover up the fact that they are sluts.
the men in their lives and all other whites apparently believe it.
Bingo.
I have been falsely accused of attempted rape on my campus and I was not the only black player on the football team to deal with that type of thing. The dynamic you describe (girl fears slut shaming, wants to save face, etc) is pretty much precisely what was at play. It is not rare, it is very real, and it is very dangerous to any young athlete.
This is not to say that whites are somehow immune to this dynamic-anyone with sense knows that the scope of the rape accusation
isn't limited to just a single group of people.
That being said, there is an extra dynamic at play for black males, particularly the large and athletic ones. I tell the following to my younger peers any chance I get:
People fear you, and the social implications that come with hooking up with you for a white american girl are much greater and more dangerous than they are with others. The mere notion of a white girl having hooked up with someone that looks like you can get her all kinds of negative attention, the kind of attention that hurts her social status and gets her called all sorts of names by all sorts of people, many of whom are close to her (parents, siblings, close friends, etc). There are a lot of white american parents (many more than people seem to think) for whom the idea of a black male with their daughter is very much not welcome and/or simply not preferred, and many of their daughters are quite keenly aware of the price they'll pay for not respecting this.
We all know enough about women to understand that they very much value conformity and the approval of their peers (this is why pre-selection is such a powerful weapon for a guy). They will do anything to avoid this negative attention and remain in line with the herd, and stay in the good graces of their relatives.
If avoiding this means throwing the black male she voluntarily went to hook up with under the bus, then so be it. This is an effective strategy for her given common stereotypes-people are much more likely to believe her story since they'll naturally assume a guy who looks like this is capable of doing such a thing, and they'll be more likely to presume her innocence.
What does this mean for guys like this? One need not eliminate white american girls from consideration (even I haven't, and I have the history to justify doing so). Plenty of good relationships can be formed here, but one must approach them with some caution.
1. Get as much social proof from her trusted peers as you can. She'll feel like less of a slut if she knows her friends all approve of you (like I said, herd mentality-its hardwired, she can't help it). There will be less to regret in the morning when she knows all he friends think you're cool and you're associated with (or a part of) her wider social circle.
2. Do not get
too tipsy around them at social gatherings (read: parties, clubs). Keep your wits about you. One super-drunken slip up can give her something to regret in the morning, and put her into cover-up mode, at which point you'll be very much at risk of ending up like this basketball player.
3.
Stay the hell away from the drunk ones.
When they've got some liquor in them, many of the inhibitions disappear and they'll be more open about their attraction to you if its there, social stigmas be damned. Some of them will flat out jump you and initiate the hook up themselves. The girl who later tried to accuse me called me upstairs and led me to an empty frat room of her own accord-she knew what she wanted, and did most of the leg work to set it up.
These are precisely the ones who are most likely to regret it in the morning, when they wake up with their inhibitions intact once again and become aware of the fact that their actions could make them look like a whole bunch of bad things in the eyes of many ("mudsharks", "coal burners", just plain sluts and a lot of other unflattering terms).
Don't try to escalate much with these girls, and don't even attempt intercourse (oral or otherwise) while they're in that state (this will be easier if you've observed rule 2). Don't go beyond the makeout, and suggest moving forward later when she's sober. If she agrees and follows up another day, great. If she flakes and you never get a shot at her again, oh well-at least you still have your freedom and a future ahead of you.
That is more than Darrell Williams can say right now.