Surprisingly, this is the first time this has ever happened to me so I had to improvise. I think I've handled it ok so far, not optimally, but I'd be curious if any of the seniors here had run into a similar situation before, how they handled it and how they think I should proceed from here. This will be a bit long as I'll try to include all the lead-up detail I can; you can skip to the paragraphs after the ****'s to get to the main part. My goal here is to bang this girl and make her the first inductee into my Jakarta rotation.
I went out my first night in Jakarta with a couple new acquaintances and later we end up at the most trendy, upmarket lounge/club in the city. For those familiar with Bangkok, the crowd is like that out in Thong Lor, i.e. middle-upper and upper class, though with some expats sprinkled in. Nothing like a seedy after-hours club. I've partied in places like NYC, London, Buenos Aires, Bangkok, etc. and the girls here are unbelievably attractive and could easily hold their own with the top venues in those cities.
Having been in the game a while, female beauty rarely elicits a particularly strong response in me, but this one Indonesian girl I saw there instantly gave me a raging hard-on - first time that has happened in as long as I can remember. Objectively, she's in the 8-8.5 range, but incredibly sexy, cute, with exactly the facial features I like and a tight, slender little body with a bubble butt and big, nicely-shaped titties. And braces, a fetish of mine. I later learn she's 21 and, thankfully, highly unlikely a working girl (a welcome relief after a recent misadventure in Phuket). It's only my first day here and I don't know the nuances of Indonesian game, so I just immediately approach, open and run with standard western game. It hooks well. Within 15min we're dancing, making out and groping (side point: I never saw any other people kissing or other PDAs there.) We hang out for another hour or so before she says she has to go with her friend and that she has work the next day. Didn't know if this was true or if maybe she was embarrassed or something due to the pretty explicit kissing in front of her friends and everyone else there. I mean, it is a muslim country after all and I'm just starting to learn about the culture. But we exchanged numbers, agreed to meet up the next day and that was that. (I then partied until 10am with a disastrous morning drive 45min outside the city with some other girls we picked up later, but that's a story for another time.)
Text game commences. She messages me at 8am, not 5 hours later, "Soma sexy man good morning how are you today?" (I put my name as Soma SexyMan in her phone as a joke.) A bit more back-and-forth while I'm with the other girls then eventually go to bed. Later that night we meet up at a wine-bar/lounge and split a bottle of red. From the moment we get there she's giving huge IOI's, can't keep her hands off me, staring deep in my eyes then blushing, etc. Being a petite Asian girl, she's pretty hammed by the time we finish the bottle and head out. She tried to pay but I refused it. This is where my logistics game starts to break down that night. I reluctantly agreed to go back to the lounge where we met, just a few minutes walk away, as her friend was working there (PR girl). I would have much preferred to go to another more intimate lounge but I figure we can stay for a drink and head out. I'm also realizing the fact that I'm still in a hotel and don't move into an apartment for a few days is going to be a problem, as she's a proper middle-upper/upper class girl and I'm assuming, like in Thailand, that heading back to a hotel may not fly with her.
The lounge we return to turns out to be a lot of fun, though made it difficult to escalate any further. She actually had a couple female friends there, along with a Korean salaryman dating one of them who bought a table full of bottles for us. With all the free booze flowing it started to get rather sloppy, including at various points us two dancing on tables with more messy make-outs and groping and pretty much everyone there staring at us in bemusement. (Keep in mind this is a fairly classy NYC loft style venue.) Good times. I'll mention at this point that Indonesians are, for whatever reason, particularly attracted to my look, more than any place I've ever been. In two days I've been asked 7 times by random people if I'm a model or actor and with 2 separate offers for modelling. Has happened a couple times in Thailand over many months but nothing like here. Her friend, a PR girl for the club and quite attractive herself half-jokingly told me at one point: "I'm the PR girl but you're more pretty than me, it's making me look bad." (She meant pretty as a compliment.) Random girls at night stop me and say things like: "How are you so handsome?" I really don't mean this boastfully, it's just been part a key part of the experience so far. Not much more of note here until we leave a couple hours later.
********************************************************
As mentioned, we're both rather trashed now and its about 3am or so. Of course, being South-East Asia, we get her car from the valet and start driving at high speeds without giving it a second thought - both fun and terrifying. With my rational faculties not running at full steam I make the biggest mistake of the night. Instead of pushing to head back to my or her place we decide to go out and dance some more. I wasn't familiar with the places close by she suggested so I just picked one at random. Turned out to be a big, open mega-club type place, pumping house music, etc. Certainly not ideal.
This is where everything turns to shit. As we exit the elevator up to the club (she paid our cover, wouldn't let me) she sees her "ex-boyfriend" - notably, another young westerner - leaving with some other local girl. I didn't even notice it happen but within 15s her entire demeanour had changed and she was on the verge of tears and wouldn't talk. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. We're just kind of standing by the bar and she's not saying anything, then she breaks out the iPhone and starts texting away to someone, presumably him.
Exactly how the following transpired is a bit blurry, keeping in mind we're both quite drunk, but this is the gist of it. After a minute or two she can see I'm pretty pissed at how she’s now acting. She then tells me that it was a guy she used to see 6 months ago that basically fucked her for a while but wouldn't be her boyfriend, and she felt incredibly used by him. Reading not too deeply between the lines, she fell in love with him (as young, hot girls are hard-wired to like assholes) but he was just using her for sex. While she's explaining this I'm telling her I really don't want to know about her ex-boyfriend problems or get involved in this drama. I leave her there for a while and walk around chat up some other girls there (and get offered another modelling gig.) When I get back she's talking to what was apparently her ex-boyfriend's friend and then goes back to more texting. About another minute of that and I told her either she finishes up with this drama fast or I'm going to leave her there and head somewhere else. She starts really apologizing at this point but still looking mopey and the whole sexy, playful, hookup vibe between us was completely dead. I leave her alone to go walk around again and then decide fuck it, I'm done with this shit. I've invested 2 nights with her but I'm not going to stand around another second watching her type on her bloody iPhone. Didn't say goodbye, I just texted her "I'm heading out now. Call me if you get your issues sorted out", went to the bathroom and then left with no intention of seeing again. Shame, because besides this unexpected 30min drama, everything else I'd thought about her was great.
When I left the club she was already waiting for me in front with her car. I was not expecting that. I debated whether to get in or a taxi instead, then had a quick change of heart and decided to see if I could somehow salvage the situation for another night, as much for the challenge of it as for the fact that she is bloody hot and I still would really want to fuck her. On the way to my place she was apologizing the entire time for how she acted, must have said "I'm sorry" at least 50 times. I mostly put up an indifferent air, occasionally saying things like "It is what it is," but certainly not accepting her apology. Close to my place - this is about 4 or 5am now - she suggests we stop for something to eat and knows a great place. Why not, see where this goes, and I was rather hungry anyway.
At the restaurant she lightened up, I had sobered up a bit and was less pissed off now, and the flirty vibe came back a bit, but I definitely wasn't going to try to bother pushing for more escalation now. Food was bloody delicious, a sampler of about 15 different kinds of local food. She seemed to enjoy watching me try the different dishes, though really hard to tell if she was just putting on a bit of a show now. She wouldn't let me pay, saying because she's so sorry about what happened. We left and drove about another minute to my hotel. There, before I get out we exchange the following:
Girl: "I'm really so sorry."
Soma: "Look, I just really don't care or want to know about your ex-boyfriend problems."
Girl: "We'll get lunch tomorrow, ok?"
Soma: "Sorry, no, you're in the penalty box now. You get a few days to a week to think about what happened, figure out what you want, and then maybe I'll see you again."
That she was not expecting. So I left the car and she drove home alone.
All texting today, so I'll just copy it here:
Girl: "Good morning Soma, I'm sorry about last night how r u doing today?"
Soma: "I'm doing great, always. And you? Very fun night last night, before [name of club]. -20 points for drama"
Girl: "Yaya...somany lost point how do I to make gain again?:-p"
Girl: "Soma, what r u doing now?had dinner?"
Soma: "We'll have fun again soon, but no joke what i say yesterday, you have penalty now, don't get to see me for a few more days."
Girl: "Hmm...okok, I accept my penalty then:-p nite nite Soma({})"
In the post-restaurant interaction I wanted to emotionally punish her for displeasing me, make it clear that I would not be an emotional tampon or a pushover and frame it so that now she has to chase me.
So, if you've slogged through that, any thoughts? How would you recommend handling a girl, especially a younger one, getting really emotional on a date if she sees an ex? Did I make too little or too big a deal out of it? What do you think about the post-restaurant interaction? How would you proceed from here? I think I've made enough of a deal already about the ex think so if/when I see her again, probably at a dinner date in my apartment, I'm not going to even mention it.
I went out my first night in Jakarta with a couple new acquaintances and later we end up at the most trendy, upmarket lounge/club in the city. For those familiar with Bangkok, the crowd is like that out in Thong Lor, i.e. middle-upper and upper class, though with some expats sprinkled in. Nothing like a seedy after-hours club. I've partied in places like NYC, London, Buenos Aires, Bangkok, etc. and the girls here are unbelievably attractive and could easily hold their own with the top venues in those cities.
Having been in the game a while, female beauty rarely elicits a particularly strong response in me, but this one Indonesian girl I saw there instantly gave me a raging hard-on - first time that has happened in as long as I can remember. Objectively, she's in the 8-8.5 range, but incredibly sexy, cute, with exactly the facial features I like and a tight, slender little body with a bubble butt and big, nicely-shaped titties. And braces, a fetish of mine. I later learn she's 21 and, thankfully, highly unlikely a working girl (a welcome relief after a recent misadventure in Phuket). It's only my first day here and I don't know the nuances of Indonesian game, so I just immediately approach, open and run with standard western game. It hooks well. Within 15min we're dancing, making out and groping (side point: I never saw any other people kissing or other PDAs there.) We hang out for another hour or so before she says she has to go with her friend and that she has work the next day. Didn't know if this was true or if maybe she was embarrassed or something due to the pretty explicit kissing in front of her friends and everyone else there. I mean, it is a muslim country after all and I'm just starting to learn about the culture. But we exchanged numbers, agreed to meet up the next day and that was that. (I then partied until 10am with a disastrous morning drive 45min outside the city with some other girls we picked up later, but that's a story for another time.)
Text game commences. She messages me at 8am, not 5 hours later, "Soma sexy man good morning how are you today?" (I put my name as Soma SexyMan in her phone as a joke.) A bit more back-and-forth while I'm with the other girls then eventually go to bed. Later that night we meet up at a wine-bar/lounge and split a bottle of red. From the moment we get there she's giving huge IOI's, can't keep her hands off me, staring deep in my eyes then blushing, etc. Being a petite Asian girl, she's pretty hammed by the time we finish the bottle and head out. She tried to pay but I refused it. This is where my logistics game starts to break down that night. I reluctantly agreed to go back to the lounge where we met, just a few minutes walk away, as her friend was working there (PR girl). I would have much preferred to go to another more intimate lounge but I figure we can stay for a drink and head out. I'm also realizing the fact that I'm still in a hotel and don't move into an apartment for a few days is going to be a problem, as she's a proper middle-upper/upper class girl and I'm assuming, like in Thailand, that heading back to a hotel may not fly with her.
The lounge we return to turns out to be a lot of fun, though made it difficult to escalate any further. She actually had a couple female friends there, along with a Korean salaryman dating one of them who bought a table full of bottles for us. With all the free booze flowing it started to get rather sloppy, including at various points us two dancing on tables with more messy make-outs and groping and pretty much everyone there staring at us in bemusement. (Keep in mind this is a fairly classy NYC loft style venue.) Good times. I'll mention at this point that Indonesians are, for whatever reason, particularly attracted to my look, more than any place I've ever been. In two days I've been asked 7 times by random people if I'm a model or actor and with 2 separate offers for modelling. Has happened a couple times in Thailand over many months but nothing like here. Her friend, a PR girl for the club and quite attractive herself half-jokingly told me at one point: "I'm the PR girl but you're more pretty than me, it's making me look bad." (She meant pretty as a compliment.) Random girls at night stop me and say things like: "How are you so handsome?" I really don't mean this boastfully, it's just been part a key part of the experience so far. Not much more of note here until we leave a couple hours later.
********************************************************
As mentioned, we're both rather trashed now and its about 3am or so. Of course, being South-East Asia, we get her car from the valet and start driving at high speeds without giving it a second thought - both fun and terrifying. With my rational faculties not running at full steam I make the biggest mistake of the night. Instead of pushing to head back to my or her place we decide to go out and dance some more. I wasn't familiar with the places close by she suggested so I just picked one at random. Turned out to be a big, open mega-club type place, pumping house music, etc. Certainly not ideal.
This is where everything turns to shit. As we exit the elevator up to the club (she paid our cover, wouldn't let me) she sees her "ex-boyfriend" - notably, another young westerner - leaving with some other local girl. I didn't even notice it happen but within 15s her entire demeanour had changed and she was on the verge of tears and wouldn't talk. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. We're just kind of standing by the bar and she's not saying anything, then she breaks out the iPhone and starts texting away to someone, presumably him.
Exactly how the following transpired is a bit blurry, keeping in mind we're both quite drunk, but this is the gist of it. After a minute or two she can see I'm pretty pissed at how she’s now acting. She then tells me that it was a guy she used to see 6 months ago that basically fucked her for a while but wouldn't be her boyfriend, and she felt incredibly used by him. Reading not too deeply between the lines, she fell in love with him (as young, hot girls are hard-wired to like assholes) but he was just using her for sex. While she's explaining this I'm telling her I really don't want to know about her ex-boyfriend problems or get involved in this drama. I leave her there for a while and walk around chat up some other girls there (and get offered another modelling gig.) When I get back she's talking to what was apparently her ex-boyfriend's friend and then goes back to more texting. About another minute of that and I told her either she finishes up with this drama fast or I'm going to leave her there and head somewhere else. She starts really apologizing at this point but still looking mopey and the whole sexy, playful, hookup vibe between us was completely dead. I leave her alone to go walk around again and then decide fuck it, I'm done with this shit. I've invested 2 nights with her but I'm not going to stand around another second watching her type on her bloody iPhone. Didn't say goodbye, I just texted her "I'm heading out now. Call me if you get your issues sorted out", went to the bathroom and then left with no intention of seeing again. Shame, because besides this unexpected 30min drama, everything else I'd thought about her was great.
When I left the club she was already waiting for me in front with her car. I was not expecting that. I debated whether to get in or a taxi instead, then had a quick change of heart and decided to see if I could somehow salvage the situation for another night, as much for the challenge of it as for the fact that she is bloody hot and I still would really want to fuck her. On the way to my place she was apologizing the entire time for how she acted, must have said "I'm sorry" at least 50 times. I mostly put up an indifferent air, occasionally saying things like "It is what it is," but certainly not accepting her apology. Close to my place - this is about 4 or 5am now - she suggests we stop for something to eat and knows a great place. Why not, see where this goes, and I was rather hungry anyway.
At the restaurant she lightened up, I had sobered up a bit and was less pissed off now, and the flirty vibe came back a bit, but I definitely wasn't going to try to bother pushing for more escalation now. Food was bloody delicious, a sampler of about 15 different kinds of local food. She seemed to enjoy watching me try the different dishes, though really hard to tell if she was just putting on a bit of a show now. She wouldn't let me pay, saying because she's so sorry about what happened. We left and drove about another minute to my hotel. There, before I get out we exchange the following:
Girl: "I'm really so sorry."
Soma: "Look, I just really don't care or want to know about your ex-boyfriend problems."
Girl: "We'll get lunch tomorrow, ok?"
Soma: "Sorry, no, you're in the penalty box now. You get a few days to a week to think about what happened, figure out what you want, and then maybe I'll see you again."
That she was not expecting. So I left the car and she drove home alone.
All texting today, so I'll just copy it here:
Girl: "Good morning Soma, I'm sorry about last night how r u doing today?"
Soma: "I'm doing great, always. And you? Very fun night last night, before [name of club]. -20 points for drama"
Girl: "Yaya...somany lost point how do I to make gain again?:-p"
Girl: "Soma, what r u doing now?had dinner?"
Soma: "We'll have fun again soon, but no joke what i say yesterday, you have penalty now, don't get to see me for a few more days."
Girl: "Hmm...okok, I accept my penalty then:-p nite nite Soma({})"
In the post-restaurant interaction I wanted to emotionally punish her for displeasing me, make it clear that I would not be an emotional tampon or a pushover and frame it so that now she has to chase me.
So, if you've slogged through that, any thoughts? How would you recommend handling a girl, especially a younger one, getting really emotional on a date if she sees an ex? Did I make too little or too big a deal out of it? What do you think about the post-restaurant interaction? How would you proceed from here? I think I've made enough of a deal already about the ex think so if/when I see her again, probably at a dinner date in my apartment, I'm not going to even mention it.
I can't have sex with your personality, and I can't put my penis in your college degree, and I can't shove my fist in your childhood dreams, so why are you sharing all this information with me?